what a trip

yeah for a great trip!

i've got a new heart! Yeah God!

i ran the other day and i clocked 6 mins faster than my usual time... haha.. woohoo!! Standard Chartered 10K run here i come... 

i've got new downloads from God. my journal is just so filled up, and it's continuing to come. last weekend, i've got words given me during worship and as i drew them, they were declared by the speakers... so that's amazing! 

i've got new vans shoes for Ethan!! hope to take some pictures of them soon. infact, most of the shoes we bought from our trip are vans. 2 for me, 3 for dee, 2 for Jodee and 2 for Ethan... hahaha.. Vans galore.. 

the most amazing take back actually is the time spent with the family. Dee, Jodee and I had a smashing time both in California and Tokyo... especially when we hit Disney Sea... you can see how fast jodee was running!!! that just bless my heart! God's so great! that's her birthday gift from Daddy God. i mean, i wish i had something like that when i was younger... haha... but i think i enjoyed myself at Disney as well. the theatrical set up was amazing. the mood, the environment... brings you to another world totally... 

really miss my pals in Japan... hope to see them soon. they've got a new record out which just sounded superb... can't wait till it's released. 

wow... thanks for all who prayed for me. i really appreciate all of you for being there, with the messages and concerns... 

4 hours

am at sacramento now... resting in the motel... 

i wasn't really feeling well for awhile. and this morning, i made a decision to go to the Hospital and get some tests done. so i really looked like a mess, with tubes like strapped all over me. 

so here's the bottomline... after all the test, the 4 hours of being tubed up... the doctor came back to inform me that he can't find anything wrong with my heart! i still don't feel good... but at least I do know that there's a high chance that it's not my heart!! so praise God for that. that's quite a relief... yet i need to be careful because the doctor also didn't manage to find out what's causing the pain. nonetheless, i'm alot more relieved.. thanks to all those who smsed me and also sent me messages.... very much appreciated. 

I also wanna appreciate the team, Jennifer, Charissa and Joshua... especially Jennifer.. who stayed with me at the ER all the 4 hours... we were just having fun looking at my heart rate that went as low as 39... hehehe... quite scary for awhile... well, i guess it's good to know that i have a heart rate of avg 45 at rest... what ps derek calls a athlete's heart... that's the new heart i believe!!! woohoo!!

I am

in need of a new heart!

Jet Setting

well, not so much of it. but having just came back from Vietnam, i'm getting ready for Batam next week, then it will be Sacramento and Redding California in Oct, then will be dropping by Tokyo for a small family holiday with Dee and Jodee (ethan, when you grow older then i'll bring you). then a whole month in town before Batam again in Dec. 

wow. i think i'm hoping to sneak in a hong kong sometime as well..... hehe... 

Expecting Exciting times

wow, it's been the 2nd day of the Leadership Planning and i think we have got some really exciting check points nailed down verbally and excitedly. haha!! 

i'm so looking forward to it. somehow it feels like a countdown to a Big BANG!

i'm on the papers!!

well, not like photo or what... anyways, it's like causing some serious sms coming to me... some of my friends are like pissed off by the article. hahaha.. others are wondering how i feel... and some are like clueless... well, infact, most are... hahaha...

as for me, i'm just filled with so much joy, i care less... it's amazing enough to be mentioned again on the papers. it's actually not well written. in context, i suspect it has a good intend. yet, sometimes, when things get out of context and amplified, it just send things like to extremes... but i guess, i know, i'm important enough to be mentioned, and that's a good thing!! hah!! 

anyways, the whole week has been totally life transforming. my personal breakthrough was just so tremendous!! 

i started the week with a few goals. and one of them is to be the husband that excel to complement my wife for her sucess!!

i guess i score quite well, even tho i'm like exhausted by now... it didn't start off that smooth, but i guess it came when we were given an opportunity to paint together, and until now, i'm still excited about it... i'm so glad that happened. haha... so fun.. since then, i have been receiving messages, and/or people coming up to me to share with me how much the painting is speaking to them..... wow.. 

and even going deeper, God brought me into a part of my heart and unlocked a door. a door that leads me into a room that has all this musical instruments, cameras, and all those things i used to do... they were like buried... this painting experience really got me like recall so many things that i buried them with all this gifts. i need to re-arrange some things now... films should not be left loaded in the camera and not snapped... haha... i've got like 5 of them either loaded or half way thru... my guitars are all in the storeroom... i've not been even like creating anything... not to mention about using photoshop.. hahaha... dee and I bought some canvas and paint awhile ago, but they are still wrapped up... i guess it's time for some overhaul in our time management... hehehe... and i sense in my spirit a shift as well... wow.. i'm so..... sleepy by now... hahaha... 

and oh yes... on tuesday night... we had such a great session... the church was so ministered to... and i heard God asking me to lead the church into worship, and i'm like "what?! me?" it's like the moses "who am I" moment... but i did!! there was like this moment of silence, then i started singing... and after along time, there's like this slow swell of voices... and I believe the angels were also singing... even jennifer heard it... like there's this 4 part harmony going on... ARRGHHH!!!!!!!??!!! it's so good!!! 

where are my kids?

hahaha... i miss them so much... where are they??? 

anyways, just thought i wanted to blog this down...

yesterday, i sent ethan to our babysitter's place. i strapped him onto the baby seat, then i got into the car. so i asked him if he's ready, he looks at me with an agreement look. and then i put on my shades and smile back at him... and as i did that, he said 

"WOAH"

hur hur hur... i need to see him like... now!!!! but he's not home... *sigh*

ok... good night...

That's not me....

the last month was a horrible trip for me. some major mind boggling decisions are to be made and having to leave thru them. well, in short, i went thru a minor day surgery last week and have been resting at home. i struggled during times alone and also during services not because i'm scared of the surgery. (well, you guys don't need to know what surgery it is)... but yeah, i was just asking God what is it this time? and i got nothing! i've been trained infact to deal with "NOTHING", but i guess God sure knows His way around me. I guess i was too confident sometimes. but not again!?! i dealt with the other day surgery last year during Chinese New Year and boy, that was some big deal, and i'm glad i went thru that with great things following thru, so i asked God... if there's another great thing coming, this better be worth it!! hahaha... but to kick it off... as the nurses were strapping me with all those wires in the surgery room, they made a staggering remark. this particular one said, "you are a cool patient". and i was like, "what the?", and she said, "your heart rate is only at 50, considering you are going in for surgery, that's way beyond anyone"... and thus i just went on knowing the total peace of God was upon me... how COOL is that!?! 

but anyhow, my struggle continues... the last week at home was just merely a whole load of nothingness. i've got nothing. i tried distracting myself, with other things, well, the only thing probably that got stuck with me is rest. so i decided not to do anything but rest. then a whole load of battle came within me. the feeling of worthlessness strike back... just feels like empire strikes back sorta... but more to that, it came to the point i felt like giving up. but maybe it's just a battle within me that i forgot how to rest? but after a few hours, i just thought to myself, "That's not me!?!", well, nothing really much happened until the following day, i met up with a friend, and she was just telling me what's going on with herself, and i went on talking to her and it was like my "inspiration mode" was turned on with turbo, and all that worthlessness crap was all gone... and i left telling myself, yeah... that's not me... hehe... 

anyhow, i'm pretty much powered by what Jon Chan mentioned on one of his interview with MTVASIA... he said, "self-pity is addictive and is disgusting". and i just say to myself, yeah, it's a drug that anyone can unknowingly take and not know that they are addicted to it till they tell themselves, "THAT'S NOT ME!" 

have fun... 

everything seems so light

last saturday, i decided to just chill out at Home Club, meet up with some old friends, have a sip of green tea. Then i chatted up with one of the boys from a band, and I was like not expecting anything, so i said, "Wassup?"

and he said "Messed Up bro...." 

and i know, the Holy Spirit is just wanting to reach him. He knows the Lord. He's been ministered heavily before. just doesn't wanna commit. now that he has graduated, he's back to "what's next for me now" stage. and i do know that he knows that he needs so much of God. we spent about 2 hours talking and unveiling things. I ended up praying for him. I hope he's doing fine now. 

messed up. sounds like my house. a whole load of mess. came close to an argument with dee just talking about the things in our fridge, hur hur... but it's similar. we just store things up, pile them up... the matter of the issue is what do we store up? essentials, probably... necessity, most likely... but they keep piling... then i question the essentially and necessity. the thing is, they will turn bad after awhile.